I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
