Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You need Xanax blowdarts
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize