Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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