never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
