mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You've changed since you got that strap on
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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