3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
