I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
