for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
