Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
