Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
