My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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