I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
