did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
