Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
