As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
