Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
