Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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