I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
birth control should be required to get into college
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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