well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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