Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
