Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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