you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
operation have a gay friend backfired
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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