I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
