that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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