the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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