Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
