We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
