Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize