are you still at the devil's house?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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