apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
