Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
