I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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