Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize
