As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
