I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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