A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
why didn't you poke me back
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
