its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
