my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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