I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
