The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
