I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
