Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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