I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
