I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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