Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
