Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
