my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
