Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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