I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize