I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
