i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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