someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
