So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
