college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
