you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
