Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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