Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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