just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
