he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
