handjob tips. give me some.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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