Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
