Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
