Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
