lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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