i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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