whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
