Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
