just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
