I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
