You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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