cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
