woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
