We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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