It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Randomize
